More Things That Must Go

A while back I posted a list of my "Things That Must Go." For those of you who don't know, this is a weekly segment that Kerry, Bill and Gina do on Radio From Hell on X96. I decided to do my own list because that way I don't have to wait for months on end and hope that my frustrations get aired. This way everyone gets to hear them whether they want to or not. So without further delay, here you go...

1. Lazy food promoters. I can't look at a menu or hear a restaurant commercial without hearing the words "________ to perfection" as in "grilled to perfection" or "cooked to perfection" or "steamed to perfection." You get the point. Is it so hard to describe food that you have to use the exact same phrase every time? Plus, would anyone advertise that they are cooking things until they are "just good enough?" If you want to put across how amazing you can cook a steak, fine. Just stop being so lazy and come up with something more creative than that old worn overused cliched standby. How about "cooked just until the cow stops moving" or "grilled till it's blacker than Donald Trump's heart" or "steamed until the damn lobster stops screaming." Now THAT sounds tasty.

2.McDonald's trying to be cool. They keep coming up with all these ads where they try way too hard to get on the cool bus. It just makes them look pathetic and desperate. An R&B song about chicken nuggets? Break dancers? Millions of billboards touting some fancy salad with walnuts in it? Please. You're not cool McDonald's. Sell your crappy food if you must, but stop trying to be the Burger King. It's not going to happen.

3. Mispronouncing words... usually on purpose. There's really only a couple that really irk me. Like "Flustrated." It's not Flustrated, it's FRUSTRATED with an R! This one seriously really gets under my skin. Another one I've been hearing a lot lately mainly comes from a guy I work with, but I've heard it before, so I'll mention it... "will you do me a flavor" instead of "will you do me a FAVOR." Stop putting that stupid 'L' in there. As soon as you ask me for a 'flavor' it immediately makes me want to yell "NO!" and punch you in the face.

4. Fake Hand Washing. I honestly see/hear this all the time at work and it really grosses me out. Someone gets done doing their business in the bathroom and then goes over to the sink, turns it on for two seconds and then goes for the paper towel. HELLO! There's no way in hell you had time to lather up with soap and rinse in two seconds. If you're not going to properly wash your hands, just walk out and don't bother trying to make it look like you did. You're only contaminating the paper towel dispenser with your poo germs for the people who actually did use soap.

5. Crappy wiring. OK, this one I haven't experienced anywhere but in our current apartment. I am not joking when I say that I trip the circuit breaker at least once everyday while blow-drying my hair. It's tripped as many as three times in one ten minute period and two times is not uncommon. I've taken to turning off as many lights and extras such as the bathroom fan just to keep from using that extra bit of electricity in some lame attempt to get it to stop. It also always trips at least once when I push the 'on' button on the vacuum. All I can say is the next time we move, I'm going to bring three blow-dryers and turn them all on at the same time, just to make sure the new place can handle it before I make any commitments.

6. Auto Insurance & Cell Phone Commercials. There is no way that all of them have the best service and I'll save money switching to all of them. It's impossible. Especially because I've checked with all the major ones and I end up paying way more than the ones I'm currently with. I don't know how they all come up with these numbers that people will save hundreds of dollars etc., but it's all lies and they should be banned.

Well, I think that's it for now. So, if you're doing any of these things... STOP IT!

My List of Things That Must Go

Ok so for all of you who listen to Radio from Hell on X96 you'll recognize this as a segment that they do on a weekly basis. I have submitted a couple small lists of things that bug me, but they haven't read them yet and I'm not sure if they ever will so I'm just going to air my frustrations here...

1. Dancing sign holders: There are two cell phone companies here in Layton who employ teenagers to hold signs out on the sidewalk to draw attention to their businesses. While I'm not opposed to this, I am opposed to their crazy antics. There used to be just one sign holder that I see when I come home from work in the evening. He wears this big black afro wig and used to wear the scary face mask from the movie "Scream"-- don't ask me why. Not only does he wear this stupid getup, he also hops/dances around. I daydream about egging him as I drive by. Then, a second one showed up less than a mile down the street. Believe it or not, the second one was worse. It took me several days to figure out what his sign even said because he would wiggle the sign and shimmy his hips from side to side at an alarming rate. I'm surprised his limbs haven't flown off. He keeps this up for hours at a time with no sign of slowing. It's incredible. He's got to be on meth or something. So, I thought that was as bad as it could get.... wrong. There is a third sign holder that has joined the club. Also within the same mile as the other two. He chooses to hold his sign on the corner of the intersection so I have to sit there and see him and his dumb sign for the duration of the stop light. I still haven't been able to make out what the third guy's sign says. He must have rotating handles on his because he spins it around and does 360 jumps in the air and plays his like a guitar. I think he was a fire baton twirler in a previous life. It's ridiculous. One of these days I'm going to snap and jump out of my car, grab him by his shirt and shake him back and forth and say "JUST HOLD THE DAMN SIGN!"

2. Using the word "bunching" when referring to heavy traffic. It sounds like a maxi pad commercial. It grosses me out.

3. Spiders in the bathroom. Why do they always have to be there when I'm just waking up in the morning? I can't handle a battle with a big ugly spider when I'm naked and barefoot getting into the shower. I don't like to do battle when I'm fully armed with shoes and clear vision! It's not fair to pick on me when the only defense I have is morning breath. How do those things get in there anyway? Are they climbing up the drain?

4. Low Rise Jeans: Is it too much to ask for a pair of jeans that doesn't show my butt crack when I bend over? I'm not asking for tapered mommy jeans that go up to my arm pits, just something reasonable!

5. Hocking a loogey. I know that everybody has times where they need to get rid of all that phlegm in their throats, but do you really need to do it in public? To me the sound is worse than that of someone vomiting. Please go somewhere where I can't see or hear you!