Thursday 13: Things That Must Go

1. "Yellow" trucking company and their ORANGE trucks.
2. Fast food places (i.e. Taco Bell) reinventing the taco every week. It's all the same thing! 
3. Cabelas Catalogs... seriously guys, this is getting ridiculous. First the mother-of-all Cabelas catalogs. As if that weren't enough, we've recently received the following individual catalogs: fishing, fly-fishing, archery, hunting, men's fashion, camping, and boating. I'm sure there are more than that. Seth actually made a comment the other day about how he thought maybe Cabelas had gone out of business because we hadn't received any catalogs lately. I informed him we had in fact received two that week already... I'd just picked up the mail so he hadn't seen them. I half expect to see the following catalogs from Cabelas sometime soon: elephant safari, deep sea fishing for great white sharks, night vision special, and taxidermy.
4. Women's clothes being twice the price of Men's (and they still don't fit right).
5. The built in bagging scale on the 'self-checkout' lanes at the grocery store. I scanned the stupid item... why you need to verify it's sitting in a bag? If I wanted to steal said item, I would have!
6. And along those same lines... grocery stores that get rid of all but two standard checkout lanes (one of which is 10 items or less) and have 15 other self-checkout lanes (all filled with people who couldn't check their own groceries if their lives depended on it). Can you tell I'm the one who does the grocery shopping?
7. Cell phone companies still charging by the minute and for every single little application. Maybe I would buy your stupid iphone if I didn't have to give you the equivalent of a monthly mortgage in usage fees each month. Until you charge reasonable rates for these minuscule services, I'm keeping my outdated flip phone with accompanying antenna. Go ahead and try and take it from me. I dare you.
8. Also related to cell phones is the slang word for application or "App." I hate that word. "Apps" this and "apps" that. You can take your stupid "apps" and stick 'em where the sun don't shine.
9. Refilling my flour container. Or sugar. Or anything that requires me to pour out of one of those giant dog-food type bags. It's impossible to do this transfer without creating a white powdery mess.
10. Twitter. The most pointless and annoying invention ever.
11. The Redbox a block away from our apartment that never EVER works.
12. The typical sunscreen smell. I don't know what chemical gives it that smell but I hate it. Maybe I've just been conditioned to hate it because I'm forced to wear sunscreen wherever I go. Why haven't they invented a sunscreen pill yet? It would probably cause abdominal cramping and cottonmouth, but at least it wouldn't smell or drip into my eyes and sting.
13. Cleaning my computer keyboard. It's pretty much impossible. They need to make these things machine washable.

To see more Thursday 13 participants click here.

Delusions of Grandeur

On my way home from work today I saw a woman driving a Hyundai Santa Fe.

The license plate frame said the following:

'Silly Boys, Trucks Are for Girls.'

Um, am I missing something here?

Last time I checked, THIS...

Was NOT the same as THIS...

In fact, I dare say THIS...

Is just a glorified version of THIS...

So lady, I'm pretty sure you're not gonna have any "boys" fighting you for your "truck."

In fact I'd say your Hyundai Santa Fe is the OPPOSITE of a truck.

Just my opinion.

Isosceles Cheese

So I was messing around on the Internets the other day and I went to Digg.com and saw this post/cartoon...

"An Open Letter to Subway" [Left Handed Toons]

Awesome. Except now I actually notice they do this and it bugs me when I watch them make my sandwich. It's a wonder I still go to Subways. What with Subway Jared, $5 footlong song, and now this... I don't know if I can handle much more.

p.s. Isosceles is hard to spell.

Nice Job, Water

All my life I've heard about the benefits of drinking water. Drink 8 glasses a day for radiant skin! It'll give you energy! Help you feel full! Plump up and moisturize lips! Keep the headaches away! And on and on.

Well I've been drinking a whole ton of water over the last few months and you know what benefits I've gotten? Maybe a couple burned calories from walking to the bathroom. Right now my lips are dry, my face has broken out (yes, I'm almost 30 years old, thank you), I have a headache, and I'm tired and hungry. Oh and I also have to pee.

Thanks Water. You're a real pal.

My List of Things That Must Go, Round 3

There's a couple things that have been bugging me lately so I'm going to voice my disapproval here in hopes that the word will get out. If you're doing any of these things, STOP IT!

1. Riding a bike with no hands: This has become an epidemic lately. I swear all the bicyclists I've seen lately are riding with no hands on the handlebars. Not only is this dangerous (I can just picture one of these people suddenly losing control and swerving out into traffic), but it just looks ridiculous. I know they think they look all hot and talented riding along with their arms folded across their chest, all relaxed and carefree, but come on. If you don't want handlebars you might as well just ride a unicycle.

2. Eyeball twitching: Lately my right eye has been twitching a lot. I mean on and off for an entire day. This has happened like once a week for the last month. It's driving me crazy. Am I deficient in vitamins? Is this my body's way of telling me I'm going to go blind? A sign I'm working too hard? I don't know why this is happening but I want it to stop!

3. Overzealous Sprinklers: I don't care about the planet or wasted water. Go ahead and water the gutter for all I care (not really... I love Earth). Why is it that no matter where I park, my car inevitably gets a shower? I hate this. When I finally get around to washing my car, I think I do a pretty good job. I vacuum it out, wipe down the dash, use the scrubber brush on the outside and even go so far as to dry the thing off and shine the tires. So you can imagine my fury when I come out to get in my car the next morning and find my poor baby covered in water spots. And you all know that these water spots don't simply wash off. I think they're made of concrete and glue because you can scrub until your knuckles are down to the bone and the water spots will remain. It doesn't matter where I park. I can park under any awning or out in the open. The lawn sprinklers will get my car on one side, and the sprinklers from the school on the other side of the fence shoot approximately ten miles so I'm not safe on that side either. I've started backing into my normal spot so only the backside of my car gets plastered. But still.

4. Slow Walkers: I encounter this one a lot at work. I realize I have a somewhat faster pace than a lot of people, but I'm working... not taking a midnight stroll in the moonlight. If you want to walk slow and mosey along, fine. Go ahead. Knock yourself out. But MOVE OVER! Why must you amble down the middle of the hall? Or worse yet, you have a buddy with you and your conversation is so incredibly engaging that you have to periodically STOP WALKING to engage in your stupid chit chat! Don't worry about me, it's not like I have anything better to do than listen to your worthless drivel and shuffle along at your heals. Of course I could ask to pass you but then I'd be an impatient jerk wouldn't I?

A Quickie

Can I just say that I really really hate cutting my fingernails? You'd think I'd like it seeing as how I used to bite my nails as a kid and loved to see them when they actually grew. Not now. I wish they would stay the exact same perfect length all the time. It seems like they get huge overnight.

It's not so much the clipping I hate... but the filing. Eck. I hate filing my nails. It feels gross and smells gross and it's just annoying. Am I weird? Probably. The main thing that bothers me about it is that I can't put it off and just not do it. I can't function with these enormous velociraptor talons. They start to make a clicking sound when I type on the computer and my fingers slide all over the piano keys and make me mess up when I play. Then they inevitably get caught on something and bend backwards or tear off and it hurts like hell.

I realize this post is a tad on the gross/whiny/who cares side. Oh well... now you know what this great mind thinks about during the off times.

Stupid Blogger

Can I just say that I hate this damn Blogger software?! It's so incredibly frustrating to use. I swear it takes me ten times longer to create a post than it should because this thing just makes up its own rules about formatting from one day to the next! Every time you insert a picture it goes to the top of the post and then for some stupid reason it adds in like fifty extra spaces between paragraphs so you have to keep deleting all the spaces. Then it looks good when it's on the edit screen but it looks different in the preview so you try to adjust the spacing and it won't reflect your changes.. or it exaggerates them . Lately I've tried to go back and adjust/edit posts and it won't let me! I enter the changes and then it won't update them in my posts! ARGHH!! I'm about to smash this computer against the wall!

So, as a final comment... no I'm not an idiot that purposefully tries to make her posts hard to read or makes links that don't work (there's one I tried to fix unsuccessfully on this week's menu)... this stupid blogger is a piece of junk. When are these people going to fix it? It's not like this is rocket science! {hair tearing out followed by gnashing of teeth and cursing}

More Things That Must Go

A while back I posted a list of my "Things That Must Go." For those of you who don't know, this is a weekly segment that Kerry, Bill and Gina do on Radio From Hell on X96. I decided to do my own list because that way I don't have to wait for months on end and hope that my frustrations get aired. This way everyone gets to hear them whether they want to or not. So without further delay, here you go...

1. Lazy food promoters. I can't look at a menu or hear a restaurant commercial without hearing the words "________ to perfection" as in "grilled to perfection" or "cooked to perfection" or "steamed to perfection." You get the point. Is it so hard to describe food that you have to use the exact same phrase every time? Plus, would anyone advertise that they are cooking things until they are "just good enough?" If you want to put across how amazing you can cook a steak, fine. Just stop being so lazy and come up with something more creative than that old worn overused cliched standby. How about "cooked just until the cow stops moving" or "grilled till it's blacker than Donald Trump's heart" or "steamed until the damn lobster stops screaming." Now THAT sounds tasty.

2.McDonald's trying to be cool. They keep coming up with all these ads where they try way too hard to get on the cool bus. It just makes them look pathetic and desperate. An R&B song about chicken nuggets? Break dancers? Millions of billboards touting some fancy salad with walnuts in it? Please. You're not cool McDonald's. Sell your crappy food if you must, but stop trying to be the Burger King. It's not going to happen.

3. Mispronouncing words... usually on purpose. There's really only a couple that really irk me. Like "Flustrated." It's not Flustrated, it's FRUSTRATED with an R! This one seriously really gets under my skin. Another one I've been hearing a lot lately mainly comes from a guy I work with, but I've heard it before, so I'll mention it... "will you do me a flavor" instead of "will you do me a FAVOR." Stop putting that stupid 'L' in there. As soon as you ask me for a 'flavor' it immediately makes me want to yell "NO!" and punch you in the face.

4. Fake Hand Washing. I honestly see/hear this all the time at work and it really grosses me out. Someone gets done doing their business in the bathroom and then goes over to the sink, turns it on for two seconds and then goes for the paper towel. HELLO! There's no way in hell you had time to lather up with soap and rinse in two seconds. If you're not going to properly wash your hands, just walk out and don't bother trying to make it look like you did. You're only contaminating the paper towel dispenser with your poo germs for the people who actually did use soap.

5. Crappy wiring. OK, this one I haven't experienced anywhere but in our current apartment. I am not joking when I say that I trip the circuit breaker at least once everyday while blow-drying my hair. It's tripped as many as three times in one ten minute period and two times is not uncommon. I've taken to turning off as many lights and extras such as the bathroom fan just to keep from using that extra bit of electricity in some lame attempt to get it to stop. It also always trips at least once when I push the 'on' button on the vacuum. All I can say is the next time we move, I'm going to bring three blow-dryers and turn them all on at the same time, just to make sure the new place can handle it before I make any commitments.

6. Auto Insurance & Cell Phone Commercials. There is no way that all of them have the best service and I'll save money switching to all of them. It's impossible. Especially because I've checked with all the major ones and I end up paying way more than the ones I'm currently with. I don't know how they all come up with these numbers that people will save hundreds of dollars etc., but it's all lies and they should be banned.

Well, I think that's it for now. So, if you're doing any of these things... STOP IT!

My List of Things That Must Go

Ok so for all of you who listen to Radio from Hell on X96 you'll recognize this as a segment that they do on a weekly basis. I have submitted a couple small lists of things that bug me, but they haven't read them yet and I'm not sure if they ever will so I'm just going to air my frustrations here...

1. Dancing sign holders: There are two cell phone companies here in Layton who employ teenagers to hold signs out on the sidewalk to draw attention to their businesses. While I'm not opposed to this, I am opposed to their crazy antics. There used to be just one sign holder that I see when I come home from work in the evening. He wears this big black afro wig and used to wear the scary face mask from the movie "Scream"-- don't ask me why. Not only does he wear this stupid getup, he also hops/dances around. I daydream about egging him as I drive by. Then, a second one showed up less than a mile down the street. Believe it or not, the second one was worse. It took me several days to figure out what his sign even said because he would wiggle the sign and shimmy his hips from side to side at an alarming rate. I'm surprised his limbs haven't flown off. He keeps this up for hours at a time with no sign of slowing. It's incredible. He's got to be on meth or something. So, I thought that was as bad as it could get.... wrong. There is a third sign holder that has joined the club. Also within the same mile as the other two. He chooses to hold his sign on the corner of the intersection so I have to sit there and see him and his dumb sign for the duration of the stop light. I still haven't been able to make out what the third guy's sign says. He must have rotating handles on his because he spins it around and does 360 jumps in the air and plays his like a guitar. I think he was a fire baton twirler in a previous life. It's ridiculous. One of these days I'm going to snap and jump out of my car, grab him by his shirt and shake him back and forth and say "JUST HOLD THE DAMN SIGN!"

2. Using the word "bunching" when referring to heavy traffic. It sounds like a maxi pad commercial. It grosses me out.

3. Spiders in the bathroom. Why do they always have to be there when I'm just waking up in the morning? I can't handle a battle with a big ugly spider when I'm naked and barefoot getting into the shower. I don't like to do battle when I'm fully armed with shoes and clear vision! It's not fair to pick on me when the only defense I have is morning breath. How do those things get in there anyway? Are they climbing up the drain?

4. Low Rise Jeans: Is it too much to ask for a pair of jeans that doesn't show my butt crack when I bend over? I'm not asking for tapered mommy jeans that go up to my arm pits, just something reasonable!

5. Hocking a loogey. I know that everybody has times where they need to get rid of all that phlegm in their throats, but do you really need to do it in public? To me the sound is worse than that of someone vomiting. Please go somewhere where I can't see or hear you!