For Goods & Services Rendered

Another installment in my 20 Things series: #5 "Do things for people because you want to, not because you expect something in return. It'll save you a lot of heartache and resentment."


Cultural norms around these parts are not like those of other places (duh). One of these norms is marrying young. Both by choice of my own and from lack of a suitable suitor, I didn't get married the first time around until I was 24. Which is right on the heels of "old maid" status around here. Looking back I realize just how young 24 really is, but I digress. There were many lessons I learned through those extra years of dating. I'd say 90% of those lessons weren't exactly fun to experience, but 100% of what I learned was, and still is incredibly useful to me. I'm glad I learned early on and I'm grateful for the extra time I was given to grow and develop myself.  

Several years ago I read "The 5 Love Languages" and determined that my 'love language' is acts of service. I don't always do the best at telling people I love them or writing heartfelt cards. It's easier for me to show someone I love them by doing things for them.

During my dating years this was a blessing and curse. It was a blessing in the sense that it weeded out a lot of guys that didn't appreciate the things I did for them, and a curse in that it was heartbreaking when someone didn't reciprocate and/or appreciate me in return. I would plan a nice birthday dinner or clean a bachelor pad kitchen, detail a car or make cookies. Time after time these nice gestures were overlooked-- sometimes without so much as a 'thank you.' Here I'd done this thing to show how much I cared and wasn't shown the same appreciation and generosity in return.

Of course after this happened over and over again I began to feel resentful and used. I couldn't understand how these men weren't worshipping the ground I walked on and gushing about how awesome of a girlfriend I was. What more did they want from me?

As you can imagine the treatment I received eventually broke me of my generosity habit. It was like a switch went off in my brain and I resolved that I would never again do anything for anybody unless I truly wanted to and expected nothing in return. My life improved immediately.

After that decision was made I would check myself (and still do) to make sure that any gifts or services I wanted to give were purely for the happiness of the receiver. Any good deeds I do because I genuinely want to. Using this approach I have never once been disappointed because someone didn't do something nice for me. I've never been upset because someone forgot my birthday and I haven't felt resentful from lack of appreciation.

This change of attitude has completely revamped my relationships. It helped to remove people from my life that were not adding to my happiness. Not only that, the people I am now surrounded by show the same love, concern, and appreciation towards me as I do towards them. This balance is what we are all striving towards. Nobody can continue to give and give and give without receiving, otherwise at the end of it all, there's nothing left to give. It's healthy, heartfelt give-AND-take that brings us joy and I feel lucky to have learned this so early.

Letters to Sylvie: 9 Months

Dear Sylvie,

These last two months have gone by so fast. I keep thinking you're still this little tiny baby until I see you sitting on your daddy's lap and then I see how big you've gotten. You're all wiggles and squirms these days and I keep thinking you'll figure out how to crawl any minute.

You had your first big illness a few weeks ago and made us pretty worried. Dad called me at work and said he thought you had a fever but wasn't sure if he was using the thermometer right. When I got home later on I took your temperature and it was close to 104 degrees. I immediately called the doctor and we brought you right in. You didn't have any other symptoms besides the fever and a diminished appetite, so we kept you on some Tylenol for the next 24 hours hoping it would help. I think you hated taking your medicine more than being sick. That night your dad and I took turns staying up to hold and rock you in the nursery. I think it was a long night for all of us.



Not feeling too good but just as cute as usual!

 The next day you seemed to be cooling off and back to normal so we laid off on the drugs. Unfortunately your fever came right back. When we went back to the follow-up exam at the doctor they measured your temperature higher than the day before which was bad news. The doctor had to catheterize you for a urine sample to check for a UTI and then they sent us over to the hospital for a blood draw to check for a bacterial infection. You didn't like either procedure but you were pretty tough. It's hard to see my little buggie in pain. After all was said and done the tests came back negative for infection and you were back to your normal wiggly self in about a week. Promise not to ever get sick again, okay?

When they weighed you in at the doctor you were up to 17 lbs. 2 oz. Despite my protests, you continue to grow too quickly. One of your favorite things to do lately is to scratch things with your index finger to feel the different textures. You also have a thing for buttons. Mommy frequently has buttons on her shirt and you'll grab them and suck on them or just look at them.

This is just a clip of Sylvie's typical wiggling. You can see her do the index finger scratch on the trash can pedal.

This month we bought a hiking pack for you and you already love it. You ride along contentedly playing with a small toy while making squealing noises. Bonus if Mom has a ponytail you can pull. You are always so happy being outside, rain or shine and love to explore as much as your dad and I do.


Hiking at Antelope Island

One thing I've forgotten to mention in previous months is your dislike of getting in and out of your car seat or getting dressed. You've hated both these things from the day you were born, especially the car seat. Since you were 5 months old or so, I've sung the Hokey Pokey whenever you start to protest getting in or out of something. You immediately smile and laugh as I put your "right hand in" or take your "left foot out." Whatever works to keep you happy I say!

Over the last couple months we've been lucky enough to go hang out with your Aunt Annie in her hot tub a couple times. You love the water and are content to lay back and kick and splash with your toy for as long as mom will let you. You also like to watch your older cousins because you aren't around other kids that often. I'm sure this summer we'll find many other opportunities to take you swimming.

You also experienced your first Easter. You're not big enough for candy yet, but you were able to wear the new dress your Aunt Corinne sent you. You also got a cute bonnet & book from Grandma Denise. Dad had the great idea for us to all get dressed up and go out to brunch to show off our fancy clothes. You looked so cute in your puffy pink dress and even put up with a bow in your hair.

As the days go by I can tell that you're more and more of a Daddy's Girl. Don't get me wrong, you still like your mom, but Daddy is your favorite. You love to watch him and your eyes light up when he comes in the room. He's the only one you'll sit with on the couch to watch tv. But, I'm determined to get you to say "Mommy" first.

Everyday I look at you and marvel at how amazing you are. I'm so happy I have you and get to see you grow and progress. I love to hold you and feed you and change your poopy diapers as you try to get away. I love to make you laugh and see you study things around you. You've enriched our lives so much it's hard to believe. You're my favorite little Buggie and I'm so glad I get to be your mom.

I love you,

Love Mama

Time to Improve My Skillz

While there are many benefits to being the daughter of an amazingly talented photographer, the most recent perk is getting a new camera! Well new to me anyway. Dad finally pulled the trigger on a new camera for himself so he gave me the Nikon D200 he's been using. Sweet!

Problem is I don't really know anything about these fancy contraptions. You'd think I'd have picked up some of Dad's knowledge through the years but somehow whenever he talks about F-stops and apertures, all that lingo goes in one ear and out the other. To be fair, I've never had anything to practice on to put all that info to use. But looks like now I'm going to have to buckle down and learn. Good news is, I think I've at least gained an eye for composition, so maybe I'm not starting from rock bottom. Just the sludge on top of the rocks.

Now I've just got to get used to bringing that thing with me on my outings. Anybody want to volunteer as  camera caddy?

If you haven't ever done so, check out my dad's stuff on Flickr. He rocks.

All the Adventures!

We've been trying to take advantage of all this awesome weather lately and have gone out on a bunch of little outings. I thought I'd share some of my favorite pics of the happenings, if not to show you how dang cute this kid is!

Antelope Island

We finally broke down and bought a pass to this local state park. I'm sure we'll be making frequent trips there now to check out all the animals and scenery. We love that Sylvie likes to be outside. She's always so happy and giggly when we're out exploring. 

Sylvie loves to hang out with her Daddy.

It was pretty windy!

This was a quick trip Sylvie & I took on a weeknight. Much warmer this time!

The Natural History Museum: "Weaving a Revolution" Exhibit

Our friend Ramona invited us to the museum last weekend to see this exhibit and her sister Joann doing a weaving demonstration. This museum is really cool and the weaving demonstration and baskets on display were amazing. It was fun seeing Joann's baskets on display. And turns out Ramona's brother's basket was the one chosen to be on the cover of all the fliers and banners. You should go check it out if you haven't already. The exhibit will be on display until April 28th.

Ramona & Sylvie finally meet!

The famous Joann!

The Great Salt Lake Shorelands Preserve

While this little gem is only a couple miles from our house, we just barely discovered it. There's a beautiful mile-long boardwalk around the marshy area marked with information about the preserve and the wildlife. There's also a tower half-way around the boardwalk that you can climb up and see a 360 view of the area. It's a great place to go and Sylvie loved it!

You can see the tower on the left in the background.

A view of the boardwalk and mountains from the tower.

Jensen Nature Park

This is a place in Syracuse we've been going to for years now. There's a nice community pond where people can fish, a huge hoard of ducks that love bread, and a field full of cows. The path around the main park is about a mile and a half long, but the trail goes further if you're really ambitious. Sylvie loves the ducks and cows and running fast in the stroller.

I call this picture "Storm Cows"

We really like living here in Layton. There's so many fun, beautiful places to see close by. It's nice to be able to get out just about everyday and explore places like this.

Fancy Childproofing

Since we bought our house two years ago, we've lived with a homely, beat-up, dirty excuse for a railing. It was functional and prevented treacherous falls into the stairwell below. But, we knew with Sylvie's imminent mobility in the next few months the metal monster would no longer be sufficient. It wasn't to code and there was a reasonable chance that she would either be able to get through it or under it. So, we bit the bullet and sprung for a nice, new, honest-to-goodness railing. One impervious to small mobile babies. One with a little flair and beauty. That's right folks, we've got another set of before and after pics!

We opted to go the professional route with this project because after giving the railing world a once-over, we knew it was going to take too much time and effort. Plus, this thing is in a very prominent position in our house and the last thing we wanted was to spend a bunch of money and time on something that would end up with crooked balusters and loose newels (I just learned those words!).

I wanted to make sure we found someone trustworthy who did good work, so I used Angie's List to find a carpenter in our area. Then I picked the guy who had the same last name as us so's I could remember it in the future. I thought it was a pretty good idea. Turns out I'm a genius because Gunnar Hanson from Hanson Home Works did a great job. And people thought we were starting our own business while his trailer was parked our driveway. He also hung up bifold closet doors for us because we've been without those since we've been here too. Turns out doing home improvement projects with a baby in tow isn't near as easy as when you're childless and have large sums of money to throw around. Go figure. Anyway, my point is, if you live in the same general vicinity as we do and have some work you need done, give Gunnar a call.

As you can see, the new railing turned out awesome and we couldn't be happier. And *GASP* we even have a handrail now! Guess we'll have to find some other way besides descending the stairs to get our thrills. Maybe I'll take up crowd surfing.

The Fight

Those of you who know me are well aware of my aversion to conflict. I will typically let just about anything slide because I don't want to deal with the fallout brought on by confrontation. I'm a lover not a fighter.

I went to a huge high school. There were 1000 kids in my graduating class... about 3000 in the entire school. I wasn't a popular kid or a nerd (at least I think so...) or in any group really. I was just one fish in a sea of many, doing nothing extraordinary to stand out. One of those people that if you mentioned by name to someone in my graduating class they'd be like "Who?"

But, I was smart and generally got good grades. I went to class and I did my homework and everything else that was required of me to graduate and get the heck out. So, it wasn't surprising when I became a target for one of the popular girls to take advantage of.

Her name was Wendy Bell*. A petite little thing with long dark hair and the looks that all the guys go for. She and her friend were in my Biology class during my Junior year and sat near me and my group of friends. I was always amazed at how confident she was when it came time to leach off her fellow classmates.

Wendy: Hey move your arm, I can't see your paper.

Me: {Ignoring her}

or

Wendy: Hey get the same version of the test so I can copy off you.

Me: Um, no.

There was something about her air of superiority that really got to me. It was like she believed that all of us "unimportant" people should be groveling at her feet to do her homework. I didn't care how popular she was. She wasn't going to ride on my coattails. She could flunk out of Biology for all I cared.

All of these little interactions with Wendy slowly built up in my trigger bank over the course of the semester until one day I finally let her have it. I'd spent hours doing a homework assignment the night before and she came in that day with her usual tone of entitlement and wanted to copy the entire thing.

Wendy: Give me your paper so I can copy your answers.

Me: You know what? If you're going to be a slacker and not do your work, I'm not going to let you copy off my stuff. Do it yourself.

Oh man, that was it. I was now on her shit list. How dare I speak to her like that? Didn't I know who she was? Apparently not. I was not going along with her well-made plan and little scrubs like me don't get to do that to HER. And so the retaliation began.

I would hear her and her friend giggling and talking about me or they'd throw stuff or just do other little annoying things to be jerks. I generally just ignored them and went about my business. Then one day I couldn't take it anymore. Wendy and her friend were sitting behind me and threw something in my hair. My trigger bank exploded and I whipped around:

"If you don't knock it off, I'm going to beat the crap out of you."

They stopped. I was clearly not messing around here. Immediately I began to panic. What the heck was I doing? I didn't want to fight this girl! What if she took me up on my offer? I tried to maintain my calm exterior whilst giving myself a pep talk.

You're way bigger than her. If she does want to fight you could totally win. She's probably scared of you. But she's one of those mean girls. She probably fights dirty. But you're bigger! What if it doesn't matter?! I'm going to be in so much trouble.

If she hated me before, Wendy really hated me now. Whenever I'd pass by her locker where she sat with her friends she'd yell, "There goes that girl. I HATE HER!" Lucky for me her bark was bigger than her bite. To me she was just another nuisance in the world of high school. I was glad the day I graduated that I'd never have to see her again.

I don't know whatever happened to ol' Wendy. I like to pretend she put on a couple hundred pounds, lives alone with her 5 cats, and works the night shift at McDonald's. Because we all know cheaters never prosper. Amiright?

*Not her real name. But close.

The Bullfrog Song

When I was a kid my Grandpa Holley would occasionally play a song about a bullfrog on the piano. I always thought it was so funny. I don't know if it was a real song or something he made up, but I loved to hear him sing and play. These days it's the only song I can play by memory on the piano besides "Mary Had a Little Lamb" and "Chopsticks."

Whenever I put Sylvie in her Jumperoo I like to play next to her on the piano and she always loves it when I play the bullfrog song. She jumps along to the beat with a huge smile on her face.

Today after she was jumping for a little while I tried setting up my phone to capture her on video and to my surprise it worked! She doesn't jump quite as much as usual just because she always gets distracted by my phone, but I think you get the gist. And as a bonus, today you get to hear my angelic singing voice!

The Bullfrog Song

One day I went to Sylvie's* house and Sylvie wasn't home.

I met a bullfrog on the way a playin' his old trombone.

Said I to the bullfrog "How are you?" but not a word he said,

But when I stepped upon his ears I almost killed him dead.

*Original lyrics used the name "Sally"