Tuesday, April 14, 2009

April Fools Forever

My whole childhood was a perpetual April Fools Day. With my dad around, we were never safe.

Lesson #1: Remember that anything you do to Dad will be returned 10 fold.

It's hard to imagine, but at one time none of the adorable Holley girls were around. It was just the newlywed couple... Fred and Denise. My mother (still apparently naive about my dad's capabilities) decided it would be fun to play a joke on my dad on their very first April Fools Day together (how sweet!). So, while my dad was at work, she went around the house and unscrewed all the light bulbs. Man she'd gotten him good! Or did she?

In the middle of the night by mom got up to use the bathroom. When she went to turn on the light, she remembered her light bulb trick and thus proceeded in the dark to take care of her business. My dad has always been a light sleeper and I'm sure he was lying in bed wide awake just seconds later when he heard, "Oh s*#@!"

To get back at my mom for her light bulb shenanigan, Dad put Saran wrap covered in honey on the toilet seat. I'm not sure what my mom thought was worse... the fact that my dad got her back, or that he used her own trick against her.

Lesson #2: Things are not always as they appear.

I stumbled down to breakfast one Saturday, plopped in my chair, and waited patiently for my pancakes and eggs. When my plate was handed to me I noticed my egg was 'sunny side up'... not my favorite, but I took it and didn't say anything. I hate getting syrup on my eggs so I decided to eat my egg first to get it out of the way. I grabbed my fork and stabbed at the bright yellow yolk. It wouldn't break! What was going on here? Then it dawned on me... it was plastic. "Hey Dad! This isn't real!" They all busted out in laughter. I'd fallen for the oldest trick in the book. *Note: I must have been fairly young because that egg didn't look even close to real (see pic below). If you want to use this on your children, start early!

On another occasion, I came to the table to eat dinner. We were having hamburgers... yum! I got my burger and dug right in... chomp! The burger was extremely chewy and I couldn't get my teeth through it. "Mom! I don't think my hamburger is done!" Yeah, because we all know that when hamburger isn't cooked properly it becomes insanely chewy and impossible to eat. It's a safety feature. Ok, so I fell for the old fake hamburger patty gag. At least this time the thing actually looked real.

We had a cocker spaniel named T.C. for several years when I was young. She always slept in my room at night and would inevitably wake me up to be let outside in the middle of the night. Sometimes she would just wander around out in the yard and I'd get impatient and go back to bed. I'd always be woken up a short time later from her barking and have to go and get her. I don't think I had a good nights sleep for about 10 years. So T.C. would usually do this routine a couple times a night... she'd scratch on my bed or door to be let out, even though she didn't actually have to go outside. So, a lot of times I would just ignore her.

One morning my dad came into my room pretty early and woke me up. "Karen! Get out of bed, you didn't let that dumb dog out last night and now she's pooped on the floor. Get down and clean it up!" He grabbed my bare hand and pulled me out of bed towards the large pile of dog poo sitting on the carpet beside my bed as I screamed bloody murder. "NOOO! I'll clean it up! I'll clean it up! I'm SORRRY! NOOO!" I knew he was going to make me grab the poop. My resistance was futile and Dad finally made my hand touch the poo. Wait a minute... it was really hard.... and not smelly. A wave of relief hit me... IT WAS FAKE. Praise the Lord! I was so relieved. Then of course we took the poop and played the joke on Annie. It was hilarious! Oh and just so you know, that was the most realistic looking piece of fake poop ever. (I'll spare you a picture although just so you know... I COULD have posted one.)

Then there was the time my dad came in my room in the morning and put an earthworm on my pillow. Why? I don't know. But it took me a minute to realize what it was. I thought it was a piece of my hair that he'd cut off or something.

Dad has this creepy old man mask he loves to wear to scare kids when he passes out candy on Halloween (and other various occasions). I still remember the first time we saw that mask...
Corinne, Annie and I came home from elementary school one day and as we walked into the kitchen, we saw someone sitting in the lazyboy chair down in the family room. Normally there was no one home when we got back from school, so of course we were immediately alarmed. This person was an old creepy bald guy just sitting there with a red and black checkered blanket on his lap... rocking slowly back and forth and staring at us. I looked at Corinne, Corinne looked at Annie, Annie looked at me. We weren't really sure what to do. We just stood there for a moment and stared. Then we started whispering to each other, "Is that Dad?" "I don't know" "I bet it's Dad" "I can't tell!" Then Corinne got brave, "Dad? Is that you?" He just sat there and stared. "We know that's you!" We just stood there. Then the man got up and started coming towards us. We all got into fight or flight pose. The old man lunged at us, "RAWRRR!" "AHHHH!" "Dad we knew it was you!" Dad pulled off his mask... "Yeah right. You birds were shakin in your boots. You need to go upstairs and change your shorts now!"

I was actually surprised that I found a picture of THE mask online... see it's creepy huh!

So as a conclusion... DO NOT play tricks on Dad. He WILL get you back and you WILL be sorry. You just have to take what he dishes out because if you try to fight back, it'll only get worse.


It's Me said...

Funny! Good times, good times... Always something up Dad's sleeve! I think at least once a year someone in the family got whipped cream on their nose from the "this smells funny" pie trick, or a ice cold shower from Dad turning off the hot water heater, or the classic who is going to say the prayer trick. The list goes on...Now you know where my deep seeded distrust in others stems from!

heidi said...

I thought this was SO funny:
"Yeah, because we all know that when hamburger isn't cooked properly it becomes insanely chewy and impossible to eat. It's a safety feature."

Man, your dad must MISS having his perfect audience (CHILDREN) around... I hope his grandkids are soon old enough for this kinda stuff, he must be SUFFERING not to have constant collaborators in his love of play and fun and surprise like this...

Based on this post I now think they should add Pranking to "The Languages of Love."

WHAT is the "classic who is going to say the prayer trick"?! How is this a trick?! Inquiring minds HAVE to know.

Please... :)

Karen said...

I can't give away the prayer trick... then it won't work! Ok it still probably would, but I'm not telling anyway!