Friday, August 14, 2009

My List of Things That Must Go, Round 3

There's a couple things that have been bugging me lately so I'm going to voice my disapproval here in hopes that the word will get out. If you're doing any of these things, STOP IT!

1. Riding a bike with no hands: This has become an epidemic lately. I swear all the bicyclists I've seen lately are riding with no hands on the handlebars. Not only is this dangerous (I can just picture one of these people suddenly losing control and swerving out into traffic), but it just looks ridiculous. I know they think they look all hot and talented riding along with their arms folded across their chest, all relaxed and carefree, but come on. If you don't want handlebars you might as well just ride a unicycle.

2. Eyeball twitching: Lately my right eye has been twitching a lot. I mean on and off for an entire day. This has happened like once a week for the last month. It's driving me crazy. Am I deficient in vitamins? Is this my body's way of telling me I'm going to go blind? A sign I'm working too hard? I don't know why this is happening but I want it to stop!

3. Overzealous Sprinklers: I don't care about the planet or wasted water. Go ahead and water the gutter for all I care (not really... I love Earth). Why is it that no matter where I park, my car inevitably gets a shower? I hate this. When I finally get around to washing my car, I think I do a pretty good job. I vacuum it out, wipe down the dash, use the scrubber brush on the outside and even go so far as to dry the thing off and shine the tires. So you can imagine my fury when I come out to get in my car the next morning and find my poor baby covered in water spots. And you all know that these water spots don't simply wash off. I think they're made of concrete and glue because you can scrub until your knuckles are down to the bone and the water spots will remain. It doesn't matter where I park. I can park under any awning or out in the open. The lawn sprinklers will get my car on one side, and the sprinklers from the school on the other side of the fence shoot approximately ten miles so I'm not safe on that side either. I've started backing into my normal spot so only the backside of my car gets plastered. But still.

4. Slow Walkers: I encounter this one a lot at work. I realize I have a somewhat faster pace than a lot of people, but I'm working... not taking a midnight stroll in the moonlight. If you want to walk slow and mosey along, fine. Go ahead. Knock yourself out. But MOVE OVER! Why must you amble down the middle of the hall? Or worse yet, you have a buddy with you and your conversation is so incredibly engaging that you have to periodically STOP WALKING to engage in your stupid chit chat! Don't worry about me, it's not like I have anything better to do than listen to your worthless drivel and shuffle along at your heals. Of course I could ask to pass you but then I'd be an impatient jerk wouldn't I?


It's Me said...

You are becoming quite the writer Karen! I seriously laugh so hard reading your posts. Love you!

Jennifer said...

Found your blog through Rachel's....Drink more milk (1-2 cups a day) for your for slow walkers, please excuse this slow, overly pregnant woman with two toddlers who move at a non-existant pace that meanders sporatically and unpredicably through the hallways and grocery isles.

Karen said...

Dang, I thought I had an excuse to take another vacation. Looks like I'll just have to up my moo juice.

Also, the slow-walkers gripe does not apply to legitimate slow-walkers such as pregnant women or people with some sort of handicap. What do you think I am? A heartless maniacal wretch? Don't answer that.

Rachel said...

I totally had slow walker rage at BYU. Worse than slow walkers were slow walkers with those damn rolling backpacks.