Running with the Loogyman

It's only mile one in the 10K but already I'm dreading the next five miles. Sure, the race is going to be tough, but I never planned for this. I've heard about these sorts of people but have yet to encounter one in real life. I've managed to fall into my running rhythm right behind him: The Loogyman.

Loogyman is a middle-aged guy. He's wearing a red sleeveless shirt and running shorts and looks like every other male runner out here (except for that one guy with the appallingly short flappy shorts *shudder*). And yet, he's not normal. Not normal by a long shot. And I'm stuck here running with him, against my will.

Every fifteen seconds or so I hear "HAACK SNORT PHLOOP!" as Loogyman hocks yet another loogy. Mile after mile this putrid man jabs at my gag reflexes making me wish I'd chosen to run the short children's race instead. But no. I'm here. Dodging loogies.

At around mile two or three I finally catch up to Loogyman. And then I pass him. And then I can't hear his loogies anymore. But then it's mile four and Loogyman is catching up again. I hear the dreaded sound behind me... HAACK SNORT PHLOOP! HAACK SNORT PHLOOP!!  NO! Loogyman is catching up with me!

My tired legs can't run any faster and soon Loogyman is on my heels. Then we are neck and neck. Then he passes me. It's mile 5 and Loogyman passes me. He is slowly gaining ground and I soon realize it is impossible. Loogyman is going to beat me. Did you hear me?! I said I GOT BEAT BY LOOGYMAN!

I still have a good half mile or so to go when I come to terms with this shameful truth. It is something I'm just going to have to accept. As I come down the home stretch I see strangers cheering me on. Then I see friends and family cheering me on. I kick it into high gear and finish with a burst of speed: 56:36... I've done it in under an hour. And I feel a sudden euphoria of pride and joy.

As I come through the chute and catch my breath, I see the familiar outline of a stranger. It's Loogyman... My Running Nemesis. "You beat me this time old man," I think to myself, "but next time you won't be so lucky. I'll be back for more and when that time comes, I'm going to smoke your Loogyman butt."